Defenceless Vulnerability:
the daily feud of social anxiety
by Amber Safia
Can’t help but feel remorse
For avoidance that brings
A hint of sanctuary to my mind.
Most of the time I force
Myself to ‘get over it’,
to cope-
But that only results in
Feeling further confined.
Trapped in ‘the vicious cycle’,
And I’m losing hope.
I’ll face the horrifically uncomfortable situation-
Because I don’t want to destroy my reputation.
When incapability of holding a basic conversation,
Is interpreted as a ‘lack of participation’-
I can’t do this anymore.
How am I supposed to get through life?
When I can’t even sit in a classroom-
Without tears filling my eyes,
Because I can feel theirs’ on me-
But that’s what I get
for ‘standing out from the crowd’?
How am I ‘too quiet’-
When everything around me is painfully loud?
An unconventional ‘freak’
With a failure physique-
I’ve let these disorders define me.
The momentary permanence
Of panic-induced mental paralysis.
The incapable independence,
A defenceless vulnerability.
The strange, comfortable, normality
Of crippling anxiety
©Amber Safia