A New Beginning - being me

by Tracey Bouch

Blink and life can change
All of a sudden everything is strange
Not only do you feel different in yourself
People you thought you knew become estranged and
that’s a thing in itself
Dr’s and hospital appointments galore
Just to find out they can’t do much more
Fingers pointing there is nothing wrong Yet you know yourself
you’ve got to keep strong

I open the front door
But all I feel is like hitting the floor
I’m finally outside, feeling the mural of stares
From people who don’t actually care
The blue badge appeared and I cried a tear
Out in the car my husband
took me somewhere near
He said I should try to be carefree
and happy with glee But all I can see the
glares and them pointing straight at me

Time passes by and I’ve isolated on my own
Not the party girl as I was once known
Choosing instead to stay in alone
Judgements I don’t need or condone
Hubby insists come on let’s go - a coffee it is
I try my best to smile in the shadow of his
When all I want is the pain to whiz
And disappear, go away, no more there is

My confidence broken in this invisible hell
Family say come on, try not to dwell
But life is different for us all - is it a dream?
No it’s invisible and so has become my scream
Thanks for standing by me in this invisible nightmare
It’s not what you signed up for but
it shows you care But for the whispers that I can still hear,
I try to continue without
showing my tell tale tears

True colours of others suddenly appear
And they choose not to notice how severe
The pain maybe invisible and this illness not seen
but I’m still human despite having to
now act like a machine
The sunflower is bright and meant to be seen
I wear it with pride despite originally not being too keen
Giving knowledge to others needs to be done with the help of the
power of many and the flower of the sun

©Tracey Bouch